Free Education

Let’s Really Talk About Sex

2012-01-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

Enthusiastic Consent. I’m a fan. For any of you not in the know, Enthusiastic Consent is a way to make sure that yes really means yes and no means no, during sex. It’s an ongoing conversation during sex itself, where partners listen to all manner of cues to make sure that what’s happening is really wanted. Scarleteen has a good definition here. Enthusiastic Consent is a term designed to get people talking to each other about sex so that when the sex happens, everyone is on the same page, happy and in alignment with what’s supposed to happen.

I had a conversation today with a friend of mine to discuss his curriculum on Enthusiastic Consent on college campuses. And I’m all for it, the enthusiasm and the consent.

But it got me thinking. When is this sex supposed to be discussed? Right then at the bedside? A few moments before, in the living room? In the car after dinner? When does the actual conversation and agreement about sex occur?

Part of me thinks that concepts like Enthusiastic Consent won’t truly take hold until we are able to have conversations planning the sexual encounter long, long before moment of consent occurs.

Let’s look at this from a different angle. Imagine this dialogue between two friends planning a meal together.

Sam: Hey, you want to have dinner tomorrow night?
Alex: Sure thing! Thanks for asking!
Sam: I was thinking about this new Thai place up the road.
Alex: Hmmm. Thai sounds good but I just had it for lunch today, actually.
Sam: OK, no prob. What about Indian? That way I could still get a curry.
Alex: Great! Which restaurant? India Star or Madras?
Sam: Oooh! Madras!
Alex: OK, should I pick you up or would you like to meet there?

So forth and so on. They might even discuss with pleasure the food they are planning to have.

The next day, it’s likely they’d confirm plans, check in to make sure everything was a go. And things would go great. Or, maybe someone has to change plans right before hand which could cause some disappointment, but they’d likely reschedule and everyone would deal.

Even if they wind up at the restaurant but Sam isn’t hungry for some reason, Alex wouldn’t think about forcing Sam to eat if it was clear Alex didn’t have an appetite.

Maybe Alex would even enjoy Sam’s enjoyment of the food.

We plan pretty much all of our activities, social or otherwise. We ask, negotiate, detail the plans and check in to confirm. We can even take classes to learn how to be better at certain aspects of social and work things: Cooking! Party planning! Etiquette! Why don’t we do this about sex? Why do we wait until the very last minute to get the details set? Or just fumble into bed with hopefully willing partners?

Because the stakes of attempting to have sex are higher than a simple lunch date? If we start with a presumption that sex is high stakes, it’s important, it’s a connection of some sort between two people, then how is it that the conversations around sex are so limited and clumsy? Why not have those high stakes moments more prepared for, more thought through, more discussed?

Why are there no culturally accepted forms or practices to gain relational and erotic literacy—so that those skills are built one upon the other—leading to an end result of enthusiastic consent. Wouldn’t this also foster graciousness and acceptance if sex doesn’t happen?

That’s a rhetorical question, FYI. I know very well why there aren’t. I understand that A) our culture doesn’t really promote that level of honest discussion around sexuality, B) sexual education and acknowledgment of sexuality is not the norm, and C) we don’t place much value in pleasure for pleasure’s sake. We do place a strong emphasis on “getting laid” but also “not talking about it.” Those things don’t go well together.

Because of those dynamics, the scenario for a young couple newly interested in each other might go like this:

Sam: You want to come over and watch a movie tomorrow? (And hopefully have sex with me.)
Alex: Sure, I’d love to see Harry Potter. (I really want to watch Harry Potter and maybe cuddle, I like Sam a lot.)

Later that night:

Sam: (makes a move)
Alex: (Um? What?) Okay, I guess.
Sam: (Yay! Wait, do I have protection? I think Alex has some?)
Alex: (Gah, I don’t have protection maybe I’ll just do oral because I don’t want to have intercourse yet.)
Sam: (Alex likes ORAL!)

And maybe things work out okay. And maybe they don’t. Maybe Alex feels like things went too fast. Maybe Sam is thrilled and thinks Alex is happy. Maybe Alex thinks Sam is a jerk or maybe they move forward and don’t really discuss it.

Things can get even weirder if one partner stops the other in the middle of things. Someone feels frustrated and resentful. Someone feels guilty and like a failure. Heck, both of them probably feel like they failed at sex. But they were set up not to win, if you think about it.

The stakes should be both higher and lower. Sex should be important enough to talk it through, to really plan. But also, sex should be human and regular enough so that if someone gets cold feet in the middle, no one freaks out.

Because we live in a culture that doesn’t support sexual education and literacy at all ages and because much of our culture is distrustful of pleasure, we fail to plan and we refuse to really talk ; we obfuscate much of our intentions around sexuality. This raises the stakes to a nearly impossible level leaving everyone feeling fraught.

A final conversation between our friends:

Sam: Want to come over tomorrow night? I’ve been enjoying dating you so much and well, I’d love to to take the relationship to the next level and have sex.
Alex: Wow! I like you too, a whole lot. But I’m not in the right space for that, so I’d love to cuddle, kiss, and watch a movie. I’d like to take things a little slower maybe than you, but I do want to get to that point with you.
Sam: Sounds great. Let’s see where things go, but I won’t have any major expectations tomorrow.

Sam: I’m not sure if I’m into waiting a long time. Let’s talk about things tomorrow and I’d like to hear more from you.

Sam could accept or reject the offer. Alex too. But they’d both be real clear on what they were getting into with each other on the date.

While this final scenario does indeed happen out there in the world (I know people within queer spaces in the LGBT and kink/poly community who discuss sex this way, with more transparent negotiations), my guess is it’s a long way from happening as a global practice.

Few of us discuss things like this, and even when we do, it often feels the opposite of sexy.

My friend and I discussed this over our coffee, wondering how we can ever teach enthusiastic consent without actually teaching the skills of having plan-ful conversations about sex well before the act. How do we start farther back, both in schools but also with parents and other adults so that you get the conversations started at multiple ages?

I think the paradigm has to shift, I’m not always entirely sure how to get that shift started, but I want to live in a world where we plan and tend not only our meals with friends, but the best and most honored parts of our relationships with our loved ones. If sex is that important, we really really should talk about it.

Ways To Change Your Romantic Type

2012-01-10T12:42:00.000-08:00

When it comes to men, I have a type. Physically, he’s tall and lean. He’s also the soft-spoken intellectual and creative type. And more often than not, he’s emotionally unavailable and self-absorbed. And yet, I date him over and over again, like a broken record stuck on one false note.

This might be why there’s an entire dating industry geared toward women. And as much as you might want to blame it on “Sex and the City,” the truth of the matter is that many women, myself included, don’t always go for the right type of guy. You may now cue the latest romantic comedy that you don’t want to believe is loosely based on your life. But in honor of New Year, New You Month, it’s time for a change“You know it’s time when you need to change when you have a moment where you realize things aren’t working for you,” says Nancy Slotnick, dating coach and founder of Cablight, a company that focuses on “love life management.” Nancy deals with her clients’ dating dilemmas, and often, she says, half the problem is dating the wrong type of guy. “There’s a difference between having types and having flings,” says Slotnick. “That’s what’s called sowing your wild oats. But if you go for the bad guy often enough, you know you need to rethink things.”

Nancy believes that people can absolutely change their types and has outlined some tactics for doing just that.

1. Go after qualities. If you’re into clean-cut, preppy guys, ask yourself what it is about that type of man that piques your interest, and try to assess that in other people. It’s worth while to date outside your type just to identify the qualities you seek in a partner. Try to pick up on clues like how often he smiles or the way he talks to his friends.

2. Don’t think you have to change yourself. “If you’re on a date with someone who is not your type, you think you have to be a version of yourself that matches him and is like him. This isn’t the case,” Nancy insists.

3. Get out of your head. The next time you got out with someone you’d never otherwise give a second chance, try to establish whether it’s your intuition or anxiety talking.

4. Have dealbreakers. It might sound counterintuitive in your initial efforts, but they’ll help you from wasting your time. Have three absolute dealbreakers in your prospective partner. Just make sure they’re based on character and not stereotypes.

5. Last but not least, chemistry comes first. Nancy insists that love is more about chemistry, and that it’s certainly found in types you wouldn’t think of. The difference is that you probably won’t find it in a bar or a chance encounter, as opposed to knowing someone in a non-romantic situation first.

Still skeptical? “Think of those Dharma & Greg situations. They exist,” Slotnick reaffirms.

At the very least, you could try it out. The worst that happens is you sell the story to a movie producer for the next big rom-com box office hit.

Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Addicted To

2012-01-10T12:37:00.000-08:00

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Soy shakes, golden retrievers, squat thrusts. These aren't the makings of a week-long bender in Vegas, unless you happen to be Marquis de Sade. However, the human brain is a mysterious lump of meat, and under rare circumstances the mind can become hooked on all sorts of things that are usually completely innocent or even commendable.

Such as ...

Books

Doesn't sound so bad ...
Many of us own collections that we're too ashamed to discuss in public, whether it's vintage porn, yarn or commemorative Burger King glasses. So when you hear there's such a thing as book addiction, you figure, hell, it'd be rad to be addicted to the Western literary canon. You'd be so quick with quips and quotes at dinner parties you could wear a damned monocle and nobody would dare call you on it.

The horrifying reality:
The most prominent modern bibiliomaniac was Stephen Carrie Blumberg. From 1974 to 1990, this bookish chap raided the archives of about 185 North American universities. When the FBI finally raided his Ottumwa, Iowa home, the feds discovered 28,000 stolen books and manuscripts he had been compulsively hoarding.

Bibliomaniacs like him don't necessarily read their books or even collect valuable ones. They just collect them out of a compulsive need to have a fuckload of books. So you could be a bibliomaniac while remaining completely illiterate, though you could build a kick-ass fort.

By the way, after Blumberg spent 4.5 years in prison for stealing all those books, he was rearrested in July 2003 for stealing, um, doorknobs. Figure that one out.

Warning Signs:
Technology has obviously made books unnecessary, so the sight of even one book in a friend's home should be cause for concern. If the person has gone as far as to purchase an entire special shelf to hold all of his books, it's probably time for an intervention.

Pets

Doesn't sound so bad ...
We know what you're thinking: If one puppy is adorable, think how much more adorable a dozen of them would be! Furthermore, chicks dig animal lovers and dudes love the movie Beastmaster, so where's the problem? Every day we come home will be like that scene in Ace Ventura!

The horrifying reality:
In one infamous 2005 case, animal control officers retrieved more than 300 sewage-scented pups from Barbara and Robert Woodley's Sanford, North Carolina home. The house's stench was so damn doggy that it brought the rescuing veterinarians to tears ... literally. Animal hoarding is often the result of crippling obsessive-compulsive disorder. The hoarder believes that he alone understands his pets, who apparently wish to live cramped and knee-deep in their own shit.

On a similar note, The New York Times recently posited that "crazy cat lady" syndrome stems from an infection by the Toxoplasma gondii parasite. According to this model, feline stool transmits the bug, which gives the infected owner an unhealthy case of cat-scratch fever. Before you laugh, know that 60 million Americans may be infected with toxoplasma and that some experts think it will turn all of us into zombies.

Warning Signs:
We're going to go out on a limb here, but we're thinking the presence of lots and lots of animals in a guy's living room may be an indication. Further, if you catch someone extolling the virtues of Eddie Murphy's 1998 opus Doctor Dolittle, that individual is either a potential animal hoarder or eight-years-old. On the other hand, if you catch someone extolling the virtues of Marc Singer's 1982 opusThe Beastmaster, buy that man a drink!

He has a Master's degree ... in beasts

Eating Right

Doesn't sound so bad ...
Hey reader, what'd you eat today? What's that? A sausage stromboli, some Skittles and a teacup full of Maker's Mark? And it's not even noon? For shame, you're not getting enough fiber to absorb that bourbon.

Wait, what did we eat? The internet writer's special, natch: a tub of Crisco and a tin of Skoal. So if they say there's such a thing as getting addicted to healthy food (or orthorexia) then we should all be so lucky. Right?

The horrifying reality:
You can die from it.

See, the orthorexia nervosa sufferer's fanatical desire to consume the correct foods comes with the problem that their idea of what "correct" means is entirely subjective and often nutritionally unsound. Eating 10 cans of pinto beans a day sounds healthier than eating ten Big Macs, but both diets leave out important nutrients and will reward you with DEFCON 5 flatulence. And at the end of the day, your body just needs fat. A diet with zero fat can kill you just as effectively as too much, though most of us are a very long way away from experiencing that for ourselves.

Warning Signs:
The doctor who discovered this disorder says "social isolation" resulting from the diet is one warning sign. So take Mr. Pinto Bean from our above example. Chances are he's disgusted with other people's "impure," non-bean diets, so he posts a personal on Craigslist entitled "LOOKING 4 GOYA-MINDED WOMAN."

And since no one shares the rectitude required to eat beans 24/7, Mr. Bean spends the rest of his life alone, weeping as he farts, farting as he weeps.

Tips for Sexting

2012-01-10T12:29:00.000-08:00

The courtship process used to be a lot simpler. You used to cruise around in a Firebird and girls would be there, and then there'd be something called heavy petting, and then you were married. The whole process took about three weeks, and could be sped up if the Firebird had been recently washed. The only potentially tricky part was if you had to negotiate a dowry, and that usually wasn't required unless your bride was Indian or incredibly ugly. Since then, things have gotten far more involved. With our cell phones and our STDs and our Craig's lists, the courtship process has become incredibly complicated and dangerous, more filled with dangerous loners and viruses and spyware than ever before.

Which brings us to the topic of sexting: the act of sending racy electronic messages back and forth with a partner. Sexting has become a common stepping stone in the progression of many relationships, and due to the challenges of sexting safely and accurately, it's become a killing field for many promising unions. But fortunately for you, Cracked has an obligation to help its readers navigate this sexy new minefield, due to our long standing reputation as the most erotic of children's periodicals.

Below I present seven tips I've compiled following lengthy, digitally exhausting research. Helping me with my research was Karen, a 28 year old woman whose sexual adventurousness were highly rated by the restroom wall on which I found her phone number.

#1: Make sure it's cool first

Unsolicited and/or unwelcome sexual messages can and will be considered sexual harassment, so make sure the other party is a willing participant before progressing too far. A signed waiver is the safest approach...

I the undersigned, agree to have my world rocked via electronically transmitted messages...

...but that might dampen the mood you were hoping to establish. There are more reasonable ways to test the waters, as described below:

An Example

Bucholz: Hey sexy. I think you're sexy.

Karen: LOL. I think you have the wrong number.

Bucholz: I think you've got the RIGHT number, if you want to know about dudes not wearing a shirt right now.

Karen: Please stop texting me.

Bucholz: Oh right. I should probably explain before we get much further. My name's Anderson Cooper, and I'm doing some research on the topic of sexting for my show, Anderson Cooper 360. Your number was selected at random by a computer, and I was hoping you'd be willing to help me with my research.

Karen: How do I know you're Anderson Cooper?

Bucholz: I'll prove it to you. Here's a picture of me I just snapped right now with my camera phone. FILE ATTACHED-selfportraitpic.jpg

Karen: That looks an awful lot like a file photo.

Bucholz: Thank you for implying that I'm always camera ready Karen. But I shall prove it to you harder. Pick a number between one and four, then tell it to me.

Karen: Ok. Three.

Bucholz: Here's a pic of me holding up exactly that many fingers. FILE ATTACHED-selfportraitpicv2.jpg

Karen: Wow!

Bucholz: So we're good? Sext ahoy!

#2: Adults only

Related to the previous bit of advice, but important enough to deserves its own entry. Especially if you've never physically met the person you're sexting, like in some kind of chat room situation, you're really putting yourself at risk of having every misspelled euphemism for your penis read out slowly in front of an elderly judge.

"Wangprong? Really? That's worse than Fuckcudgel."

An Example

Bucholz: Before we get too much further, I should check, are you over 18?

Karen: Yeah, I'm 28.

Bucholz: Hmm. Do you remember the Macarena?

Karen: Yes.

Bucholz: Ok, your story checks out.

#3: Relax

With your legal bases covered you can get down to business, and to do that, you've got to get comfortable. Loosen the belt on your robe and pour yourself a nice tall glass of vermouth. Relax; the advantage of sexting is that you don't have to worry about blushing or appearing unconfident. For the shy among us, the technological divide separating us from our partner can make it easier for us to loosen up. And for the uglier among us, it may help our partner loosen up.

An Example

Bucholz: Oooh this robe is hot.

Karen: You're wearing a robe?

Bucholz: The robe's all past tense now baby. You should take off your robe too.

Karen: I'm not wearing a robe. Who's got robes?

Bucholz: Scholars.

Karen: This isn't very sexy yet.

Bucholz: You gotta relax more. Here's some ocean sounds. Pwwwwwoosssh. Phhhhhs. Phhhwwwwwwwooooooooosh. Pwooooosooshshhhsh. Phwhhhshshhs.

Karen: Now I have to go to the bathroom.

Bucholz: That's hot, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

#4: Speak the Same Language

There are guides floating around the net about common sexting acronyms in use, and you can use them if you wish. But I'd suggest you use acronyms lightly, if at all. Acronyms are only useful if both parties know what they mean; otherwise they lead to confusion, not sexiness. (Confusion is rarely sexy, unless you're roleplaying some kind of raunchy-Alzheimer's thing, which is a bit advanced for this guide.)

In particular, steer clear of complicated acronyms. You might know that IAGTBOIAD4U means "I am going to beat off inside a diaper for you," but if it takes three supplementary texts to explain what it means and why that's a good thing, you may lose a bit of momentum. So I'd suggest you only use the basic acronyms, like the ones listed below.

ASL: Age/Sex/Location (useful in chatrooms when sexting with strangers)

WAYW: What are you wearing?

UNF: Universal Noise for Fucking

INC: I'm not crying

DLAM: Don't Look At Me

FAP: Fap

An Example

Bucholz: Hey, so uh WAYW?

Karen: What?

Bucholz: What are you wearing?

Karen: I don't know about this Anderson.

Bucholz: It's important Karen. America needs this right now. Is it like just a basic top and some pants?

Karen: Yes.

Bucholz: Cool. TMMPFS

Bucholz: That Makes My Pants Feels Smaller in case you were wondering.

Karen: I thought you were wearing a robe? You had pants on under your robe?

Bucholz: I feel really good about myself in these pants.

Karen: FML

#5: Don't raise the stakes too fast

Sexting follows a lot of the same rules as dirty talk, in that although it's a fun way to raise the sexual tension, it is very easy to go over the line and say, weird, uncomfortable, impossibly awkward things which kill the mood and/or dramatically lengthen prison sentences.

An Example

Bucholz: Ok. Wow. This next one is going to be intense. I hope you're ready.

Karen: Oooh! This sounds exciting.

Bucholz: Oh wow. Man. Ok. Here we go.

Bucholz: So, um. I'm so wet for you.

Karen: WHAT?! ! ! ?

Karen: ??????

Bucholz: I'm so sorry.

Bucholz: It's just research. Just trying to probe out the threshold for what's too far too fast.

Karen: The problem was not that you went too far. The problem was that you went in the exact wrong direction.

Bucholz: I went there pretty quickly though, hey?

#6: Don't send photos

Once they're transmitted into the aether, don't expect naked photographs of you straddling a coffee table while wearing nothing but a monocle to disappear. Current lovers may one day become ex-lovers, and considering the flexible morality possessed by anyone involving themselves with you sexually, don't be surprised if you one day awake to find that you're the latest goatse.
An Example

Bucholz: FILE ATTACHED-cravatfuntimepic.jpg

Karen: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAAAHAHA.

Bucholz: Was that "hahaha" as in "Ooh, I want to get hot all over you" or "hahaha" as in "hahaha?"

Karen: LOL. The second one.

Bucholz: Would it help if I did another one with a smaller cravat?

Karen: It might

Bucholz: FILE ATTACHED-cravatfuntimepic2.jpg

Karen: Didn't work. And it looks like even you're enjoying it less

Bucholz: It's cold here ok.

Karen: You're not actually Anderson Cooper are you?

Bucholz: The truth is there are a lot of Anderson Coopers. We help him out while he's busy making toys in the north pole.

#7: Leave No Evidence

As many outside observers might not approve of the sentiments and kinky threats issued during the course of standard-issue sexting, you should probably delete all the evidence of your activities once you're done. Also make sure you never use your work phone for sexting, unless you're interested in having the worst conversation the world has ever witnessed with your boss.

"Ellen, what you and your husband do in the privacy of your own... fuck swing... is your own business. But the entire East Coast distribution list doesn't need to know about it."

An Example

Bucholz: Hey could you do me a solid favor, and delete everything I just sent you and also not give copies to the authorities?

Karen: No.

Bucholz: I'll send you more cravat pictures if you don't. I've got a really good one where I'm looking over my shoulder coyly. It will ruin you for other men.

Karen: NO! I'll delete it all! I'll send you money! Just please don't send me any more cravat pictures.

Bucholz: You've got a deal Karen. Now to conclude this, one last question: On a scale from 1 to Ted Danson, how thoroughly would you say that your fancy has been tickled?

Karen: I'll probably give you a one.

Bucholz: One's the lowest score actually. I should have been cleare... ahh nevermind. That's still pretty good for me.

Virginity

2012-01-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it seems that you almost have to be like the Crocodile Hunter and go out and hunt one down. I don't know if it is worth the time, unless you are into such a beast...

By not having sex you don't have any risk of getting pregnant. Men these days don't seem to want to take care of

their babies. Nothing would be worse than having a baby and being forced to work at a fast food joint to pay the bills. Being a single mother is tough these days and I don't blame them for not wanting to take that chance. It is hard enough to live on your own, let alone have to worry about kids.

Some women may choose not to have sex for religious reasons. This is probably the number one reason why women stay virgins. They believe that they aren't allowed to have sex until they are married. I went to church when I was a teenager and during this time a lot of girls in the church were having sex. I guess some people practice this, while others just claim that they do.

There is the type of woman who claims she is a virgin but yet will give you oral sex. She will allow you to stick your fingers in her love cave and get them stinky. She does this so in her mind she is still a virgin, pure and clean.

I'm not sure that I would call someone who can toot your flute like they are playing in an orchestra a virgin. I guess this can help reduce the risk of catching a disease. Also, you don't run the risk of pregnancy. If she wants to toot your flute, let her play all the notes she wants

The next bunch of virgins are the type that allow you to touch them, but not do anything else. She may allow you to feel her breasts or lick her nipples. If you are lucky she will cop a feel of your penis. That is about as far as it goes with her. She might eventually end up being like the 'virgins' who will toot your flute. I wouldn't count on it though.

This might sound odd, so make sure you are sitting down for this next one. Some 'virgins' enjoy anal sex. They feel since they aren't using their vagina's it really isn't sex. Anal sex is called anal sex for a reason, because it is sex. Just like oral sex is sex. I have no idea why a woman thinks that if she spreads her cheeks, she is still a virgin. I guess it doesn't matter in the long run. All that matters if you can get some of the sweet anal love canal. I won't argue if she thinks this will keep her a virgin.

Sometimes when a woman hasn't had sex in a while, the vagina can shrink to its normal size. She can actually bleed the first time she has sex in a long, long time. Though she isn't really a virgin, she will seem like it. This is like the David Copperfield of virgins. There is some magic going on in tat putty cat.

Some women are what they call 'secondary virgins'. This really blows my mind. Basically they go out and screw everything thing that moves and decide they will be a virgin until they get married. I'm not sure how they can feel they are a virgin, but who am I to understand anything about a woman. I think this usually happens after a woman has a religious experience and decides that she will take the plunge again after she is married.

Why is this so important? To a man, he could care less really. Getting to lay a virgin is like winning a world series, but after a certain age you realize that your chances of this is slim. Personally, I think as you get older it is no longer an issue. You want a woman who can rock your world in bed, not someone who has never done anything before. Other than not having to worry about disease, to me and probably most men, this whole virgin thing is plain stupid.

The reason why some women are so obsessed about this is, they want to remain pure. Their virginity is the only thing that they see as making them pure and clean. They can talk like a sailor who has had too many beers, but yet if that precious tuna canal hasn't been explored, they are pure as can be.

Blowjobs

2012-01-10T11:56:00.000-08:00

Hot Blow Job...

How do you give the perfect blowjob?

Hehehehe, blowjobs, bjs hmmmmm... good topic don't you think?

Giving a blowjob can be such a turn of for both parties so try it before you say you don't like it.

Once again like with the guys you both need to be comfortable with it. If you feel that it is not a clean "tool" then have a shower together. Ladies take it in your hands, grab the soap, lather it up and wash it, play with it, see how it responds to your touch.

If there is room in the shower, kneel down in front of him and look closely at it, see how clean it is, before flicking your tongue over the tip. See how clean it is... Now you know that it's clean because you helped wash it thoroughly, Close your mouth around it and feel it grow hard in your warm, moist mouth.

Take control and enjoy it as much as your partner!!

If you are being sensual and your partner tries to thrust causing you to deep throat and gag when you are not ready, grab him gently with you teeth, not tight enough to break the skin but tight enough to stop him...

Do not break the skin... if you do all the romantic desires will have gone!!!!!

Ladies use your tongue, flicking it backwards and forwards as you suck. You can do both at the same time. Trust me on that one...

Now if you feel comfortable sucking him in the shower, get off your knees and head to somewhere a bit more comfortable, like the bed, continue what you were already doing but in a different position.

Ok first if you have lube - like KY jelly handy grab that before getting onto the bed, flavoured is great....

Have your guy lay down on the bed, kneel between his knees, squeeze a little bit of the lube, covering both hands...

Take his penis into your hands, see how slippery and sensual it is, gently massaging the shaft with both hands, occasionally teasing the head paying particular attention to the underside of the head.

Remember that you must be gentle that is why I keep referring to that particular word.

Now ladies hold on to his cock, use your tongue flicking over the head, lick the head all over and use the flat of your tongue to cover more area, gently suck on the head, sucking it into your mouth at the same time flick your tongue back and forwards around the head. Pay particular attention to the Frenulum (the underside of the penis), as it's the most sensitive part of the glans (the head of the penis).

Tease him and please him at the same time, you can do it!

Run your hands over his inner thighs as you mouth moves on his shaft. Lower your mouth over his shaft and the trick to taking in as much as you can - to deep throat is to breath out as you are taking him in. I know this is a big ask, but concentrate on your breathing at the same time to avoid the uncontrollable urges you may get. I won't go into detail, but I am sure you know what I am talking about.

As you suck him deep into your mouth and with your hand around the lowest part of the shaft pump him gently as your mouth rides his hot swollen penis.

As a bonus for your partner with the hand that is almost free, gently massage your partner's testicles. Squeeze them, hold them, run your finger nails over them - there's that word again "gently", and at the same time sensually play with them.

Now the choice is yours. If your partner is your long-term partner and you feel you would like to taste him and swallow his cum, then read on, if not skip this paragraph and go on to the next... Your partner's cock is throbbing with anticipation as your tongue works it's magic, you taste his pre-cum it's salty but nice, you wrap your hand firmly but not too tight around his cock, with your mouth sucking him deep, keep sucking as you pump him faster and faster... Keep stroking him until you feel his cock throb and suddenly he explodes sending his hot creamy cum down your throat... Look at him and lick your lips to show how much you enjoyed sucking his rod dry...

For the ladies who don't like the taste, when you feel your partner's cock throbbing and you feel his hips starting to thrust against you, take your mouth of his penis and with your hand wrapped firmly around his shaft pump faster and faster. Let your partner tell you how fast and how hard to stroke him as he gets nearer and nearer to dropping his load for you.

Female Oral Sex

2012-01-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

After a nice long foreplay session, try moving down to your lover's inner thighs. This is one of a woman's most sensitive and erotic spots, although it is also one of the ones she worries the most about, appearance wise. Try gently kissing her inner thighs, and licking them with a dry, pointed tongue. Light nibbles are good, too. A few women are too ticklish to enjoy this. Don't force the issue or she'll be a nervous wreck instead of passionate. When you first move to your partner's vagina, do not do anything sudden. Try licking gently up and down her lips, not opening them, just licking them and maybe a very gentle nibble. After a couple minutes, you can suck on them but never be rough or suck too hard. Don't go further yet unless she urges you to or until you start hearing her breathing change or little moaning sounds.

Now you move on to the hood of skin covering her clitoris. That is the little nub of flesh to the front her her vagina. If a woman is excited, her clitoris will be hard. If she is not totally excited, it will be soft and very small. If it is not totally hard, or you are not sure, suck gently on the hood over her clit, not yet touching the clit itself. You can use a finger from one hand to stroke her vaginal lips. If you feel moisture on them, you can very gently insert just the very tip of your finger between her lips as you suck over her clit. After a little while - and don't rush - gently push back the skin so that the clitoris is exposed. Be very gentle with it - there are a lot of nerve endings in this piece of flesh. Gently suck it - VERY gently. Alternate sucking with soft licking with the tip of your tongue.

Now here are a few things you can try in any random order you like and as she likes:

Try licking her clit in fast little circles
Insert your finger into her canal
Try licking in figure eight motions
Use both hands to hold her legs apart
Move the finger inside her like you were stirring a very small cup of coffee
Put a second finger inside of her and spread the two fingers gently apart, then together over and over
Lick her clit in a short, fast up and down motion
Push her legs into the air and hold them there

You can try other things, too. Make sure to pay attention, because at some point, your partner will become more excited. She may grab your head or start pulling your hair. If she pulls your head toward her, try not to change what you are doing with your tongue any more. A lot of men think that when a woman reaches her peak of excitement just before she climaxes that this would be a great time to add variety. Don't. This is a great time to keep doing exactly what turned her on the most. Something to note here is that if a man starts to orgasm and the physical stimulation that got him there is removed, he will probably continue his orgasm. This is not the case for women. If you stop licking her before she is done, her orgasm will stop in the middle, and she will be very, very frustrated.

Never use teeth on a woman unless it is gentle enough not to hurt. Use a gentle touch always, unless requested otherwise. Be sure to pay attention so you'll know which things you did that she liked the best. A man that gives great oral sex to a woman can bring her her greatest sexual pleasure

15 Best Sex Tips

2012-01-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

Most men are always looking for new ways to pleasure their woman in bed. I know that I am always looking for new things to do to my special someone. Here we give you 15 great tips on how to improve your sex life. Now you may be wondering who the hell I am? Well I am from the United Kingdom and I am a self confessed love rat. I have bedded over 120 girls at the last count. I am NOT the best looker in the world, in fact you will see some of my pictures dotted around this site. Having great sex is all about what you know, so get a pencil and paper, you won't want to miss these, all these tips are from my personal experiences.

1. Always bring protection. You should never ever be in a position where you don't have a condom. You should always have some on hand. If you don't, you might miss that chance to have sex.

2. Being too aggressive. We don't want you to zero on their clitoris like you are a laser guided missile. Instead, focus on turning her on. This will do more than running straight for the canal du stinky.

3. Being too relaxed. Women want a little spunk in their guy. They want to know that you are turning them on. Be brisk, but yet not too aggressive. You don't want to be so aggressive that you scare her away. If when you see her naked, it makes you feel like you haven't ate in weeks, go take a cold shower and return to the bedroom.

4. Touching too softly. A woman won't break if you touch her. If you touch her too softly she won't feel anything. Don't beat her, but use common sense. If she moans, it feels good, if she kicks you in the nuts, you are hurting her.

5. Don't have rough fingernails. You should keep your nails trimmed and well kept. A woman doesn't like you touching her sensensitive areas if you have rough or long fingernails. This could cause small cuts or painful sores.

6. A wondering hand. A woman likes to be felt, but there is a point that you are overdoing it. Feeling her up isn't a sport, you don't get points if you can cover the same spot more than once.

7. Only going halfway down. If you are kissing her and leading down to her belly button, don't stop. This will only frustrate her. Instead, if you aren't going to go down, then doing head down there! Focus on kissing her instead.

8. Don't just use your fingers. If you are going down on her, the whole point is to use your mouth too. Don't just use your fingers. This will keep her begging for more and she will take care of it in the bathroom.

9. No direction. There is nothing worse than having sex with someone who just stares at the ceiling. Get out there and have some fun. You don't want to sit on the bench when you have worked so hard to score do you?

10. Slapping her ass. Women hate this. Unless you know for a fact this is a turn on, then don't do it. Women are so consumed with their asses and they always think that it is too fat. Also, this can bring up issues about her past if she was abused as a child.

11. Who is your daddy? Women don't want to hear this. Some women like role playing in bed, but not this. No woman wants to have sex with a man who is calling himself her father.

12. Did you have an orgasm? If you did, don't keep it a secret. Women like to know that they pleased their man. Unless they are half dead or drunk, they should be able to figure this one out on their own.

13. You ask her if she had an orgasm. Trust me, you will know if she does. No need to ask.

14. Excuses. Women don't want to hear why you can't get it up. Be honest with her, don't make some lame excuse that she will know is a lie right away.

15. She brings out her sex toy. Don't be fearful of this! There is no reason to be. Instead, enjoy watching her bring herself to an orgasm. This will be good material later on to keep in your spank bank if you happen to need it.

Penis Size - Does it really matter to women

2012-01-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

Does it really matter to women?

When it comes to sex, probably the most common question we hear from guys is "does penis size really matter?" It seems to be a question men ask, even though deep down they're pretty sure they already know the answer. We hate to be the ones to tell you guys, but unfortunately the truth is, yes - size matters!

We hear from hundreds of women every month, wondering which enhancement methods work best. These letters usually start with "My husband has a small penis" or "My boyfriends penis is too small - what can I do?" Although there are many options available for men to enlarge their penis, many women aren't sure if it's something they should bring up or keep to themselves. Judging from what we've seen - a lot of women are keeping it to themselves.

Some studies by Masters & Johnson have revealed that as many as 84% of women wish their lover had a larger penis. Some people have jokingly added that the other 16% were just lying to make their partners feel better! Kidding aside - it is true that not every woman wants or craves their man to have a larger penis. Some men do quite well with what they have - and their partners may be quite satisfied. It's just like how large breasts aren't important to some guys - but for many men they are. The fact is that penis size is very important to many women- and here are the reasons they give as to why.

Why Penis Size Matters to Women

A Big Penis Gives More Sensation
Hits G-Spot More Often
Feels Fuller and More Satisfying
Better Chance of Giving Woman Orgasm
More Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction
More Intense and Multiple Orgasms

Penis Size - Yes, size DOES matter.

The fact is that women seem to desire a big penis for many reasons. Some say it gives them noticeably more pleasure. Others say that just seeing a big penis is more visually stimulating and makes them more aroused for sex. Many have just never seen a truly huge penis and are thrilled with the experience of finally getting to work with a big penis.

Many women have problems bringing their partner's small penis to their attention, and sometimes resentment can build because the woman feels she is being deprived of a truly enjoyable sexual experience. Here are some "small penis" stories we have received from women who have been affected by a small penis and the relationship problems that can follow.

This story is from Katie in New York:

"I have been dating a man who I think is wonderful. We have so much in common, and everything is great. The problem is that when we have intercourse, I can't feel his penis inside of me. There is also no contact with my clitoris. It doesn't matter how long he goes, I can't feel his cock. With other partners, I can reach orgasm within a couple of minutes, but he is so small, I just can't. I feel embarrassed going on about specifics, but his penis is about 4 1/2 inches long and very thin.

I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter, but the fact is that I deserve to have good sex and to have orgasms. Not only can I not come, but I am worried that he can't feel much either, which makes me feel like less of a woman with him. I don't know what other women do in this situation, but I'm confused and upset. This guy and I get along so well, and everything is so great, but the sex is so unsatisfying. What can I do?"

Top Sex Tips for Women.

2012-01-10T11:32:00.001-08:00

1) Help your body out.

Men have been using sexual enhancement supplements for years, and with recent developments of successful products for female enhancement, now women can too. Frankly, we can't figure out why any woman wouldn't take sexual enhancement supplements considering the wide variety of excellent products available. Female sexual enhancement products like Provestra, Vigorelle, and Hersolution are clinically proven to increase female libido and heighten sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

There are many, many, high quality female sexual enhancers to help with everything from low female libido, lubrication problems, and inability to achieve orgasm. If you're not taking a medically-approved sexual enhancement supplement - it's something you definitely might want to consider, as these products can have a profound effect on your desire, sexual pleasure, and enjoyment.

2) Be proud of your body.

Nothing confounds a guy more than a beautiful girl who's ashamed of her body. Ladies - we know you have a tendency to be shy and self-conscious, but it's time to turn ON the lights. We guys can't understand a woman who wants to leave her shirt on (or turn the lights off) to hide her body - especially if we've been dating/living together/married for years! Guys find it sexy to admire their woman's body and love seeing you naked. Time to lose the shyness and start loving your body as much as we do!

Women sure can be charming by the way they present themselves and also by the way they dress up. But, men like women who are also great in bed. Men like women who take the initiative and are confident in their sexual actions. Men like women who give them complete pleasure and satisfaction at the end of the sexual act and they themselves should feel satisfied with their partners.

3) Initiate sex.

This tip may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised how often we hear about it from guys. Many men say their partner hasn't initiated sex in YEARS, and that if they didn't initiate sex - it would never happen. We don't expect you to initiate sex every single time, but once every while would be a nice touch. Guys like to feel sexy and wanted too - having you initiate sex, especially when we're not expecting it - is a HUGE turn on, and makes us feel good about our sex appeal to you.

4) Oral sex - we really like it.

Okay, this one probably seems obvious too. But we can't stress this one enough. Guys love getting oral sex and most guys admit they don't get it as often as they would like to. Having a woman perform oral sex is extremely erotic in so many ways and provides sensations that don't normally occur during intercourse. Of course, we always feel that guys should return the favor - but please, ladies - an extra BJ here or there will drive your guy wild and make him eternally grateful.

Now here's the only catch. We love receiving oral sex, but the key thing is you have to act like you like it too.We all know that sex and orgasms are 90% mental, even for men, so your mind set and the impression you give your boyfriend must be, "I love your penis and I love giving you head." Seems simple enough, but this first step is usually the downfall of most women. If you give the impression that giving oral sex is a chore, a favor, or in some way not pleasurable for you, it takes so much away from the experience. If he thinks, "She wants me in her mouth," you've got him. This is where he has to be mentally, and you have to get him there, no matter how much you have to act - and hopefully you don't have to act.

5) Oral sex - the 'finale'.

Okay ladies, here it is. I know some of you won't like me for saying this, but it's the truth - so here goes. When it comes to giving oral sex - the finale is very important. Some women are fine with swallowing, and some - not so much. But the fact is, swallowing is really important. It is so erotic for a guy to ejaculate in a woman's mouth -- it takes the experience to a completely new level. No making faces, no saying "yuck" (remember step one). If you just cannot do it, then a reasonable alternative is to allow the guy to ejaculate on your body, somewhere. That can be just as erotic. Having to stop and pull out right at the moment of climax certainly detracts from the experience and pleasure, for most guys. As we heard one woman say (and we can't agree more) "If you're not going to swallow then you might as well just leave the room. Well said.

6) Performance anxiety.

A lot of women may find this to be a surprise, but many guys suffer from performance anxiety before, during, and after sex. We've got a lot on the burner with having to worry about several aspects of our sexual performance including (but not limited to) penis size, ejaculating too soon, erection problems, and inability to give you an orgasm. Many guys are so worried about all these issues, and pleasing their partner - that it makes it extremely hard to enjoy the sexual experience for themselves.

Many men have problems with premature ejaculation which can make the sexual experience very unsatisfying for both parties. One way to alleviate this is to start off the sex with a quick session of oral sex or hand stimulation to stimulate a quick climax for the man. Then you can commence a nice long session with foreplay, heavy petting, and finally sexual intercourse which is sure to last much longer after the first "situation" is taken care of. This method will usually result in the man lasting significantly longer, which improves the probability of the woman achieving orgasms - and he won't be nearly as anxious about his performance.

7) What he doesn't want you to know.

Okay, well he MIGHT want you to know - it might be more a case of he doesn't want to have to tell you. But the fact is a large number of guys also enjoy some anal stimulation during foreplay and sex. That's not to say every guy does, or that he's looking to be violated by a cucumber or anything, but many guys enjoy a little attention to that area but are afraid to talk about it.

Lots of men also enjoy having their testicles fondled, licked, and sucked. And most respond to gentle pressure on the area between the testes and the anus. You can give your lover a stronger orgasm by pressing that point gently with a finger or thumb as he is ejaculating. You might need to do a little exploring and adventuring to find out if your lover likes a little anal "attention", but he's sure to let you know quite quickly. Why not take it up a notch and try something a little naughty that surprises both of you?

8) Tell him what you like.

Most men when questioned usually say that one of their biggest complaints is that their woman doesn't tell him what she does or doesn't like. Most guys find the female body to be an amazing but complicated mystery, and it can be very intimidating when it comes to sex and pleasuring you.

Everyone has unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From earlobes to ankles, hairline to hips, pirates to picnics, don’t be afraid to talk about them. If you and your partner know about each other’s turn-ons, you can make the most of them.

If you're wondering what he really loves in bed - ask him! And if there's something you'd like done differently, gently guide him to what you want and you'll both be happier. Good communication and trust is the cornerstone of a good sex life. You should feel confident to share your fantasies and likes and dislikes with the person you're having sex with.

9) Have more sex.

In an AskMen survey of almost 2000 men, 56% of men rated their sex life with a grade of "C" or worse. This means that only 44% of men gave their sex life a rating of "good" or "very good". This means that there are a lot of sexually frustrated men and probably a lot of unhappy relationships out there as well. One of men's biggest complaints centers on the frequency of sex - or lack of it. We all know there are many reasons why women might not be interested in sex. These include being busy with work, family, kids, chores, and a million other things. Some women just don't desire sex for a multitude of reasons - both physical and mental. This is one area where we strongly recommend a female sexual enhancer - their main focus is on raising female libido and increasing the desire for sex.

However we all know that a happy sex life is a major factor in a successful relationship, so we all owe it to ourselves to try and make more time for good sex. If you find sex just never seems to happen because you're both too tired or busy, it might be necessary to introduce a "date" or "sex" night where you make a point of finding intimate time. While some people may find it silly that they now have to "schedule" sex - most couples report that this works quite well, and quickly becomes a ritual that they look forward to and enjoy. Let's be honest - in today's "busy world" we have to schedule almost everything else in our lives - isn't sex important enough to schedule too? We certainly think so!

10) Keep at it.

Some women don't understand that in actual fact, sex is about more than just "the act" for men, too. Although we enjoy the physical release, sex is also important for the man to feel his partner cares about him, and is sexually aroused by him. We like to feel needed and sexy too! Men like sex for many reasons, but probably the biggest one is that it makes us feel connected to you in a sensual, sexy way - and makes us feel that we are still attractive to you in a romantic sense.

The more you get to know and understand his body, the more pleasure you'll be able to give him - and receive yourself. Pay close attention to her body language, breathing, and reaction to what you're doing - it should be pretty easy to figure out what's working and what's not. If in doubt - ask him! He'll love you for it.

Top Sex Tips for Men.

2012-01-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

1) Help your body out.

Frankly, we can't figure out why any guy wouldn't take sexual enhancement supplements considering the wide variety of excellent products available. Think about it - bodybuilders, athletes, and pretty much anybody that cares about their body takes vitamins and supplements in order for their body to operate at peak capacity. Why wouldn't you do the same for the part(s) of your body that matter most?

There are many, many, high quality sexual enhancers to help with everything from erectile function, orgasm intensity, semen production, premature ejaculation, and penile length and girth. The reason that millions of men order these sexual enhancers every year is simple - they help men perform better and enjoy better sex, and get sex more often. If you're not taking a doctor-approved sexual enhancement supplement - you're missing out on a big advantage - and needlessly avoiding the huge benefits provided by these potent sexual enhancers.

2) Take your time.

Some guys don't seem to realize that sex is not a 'race' and there's no prize for finishing first. To heighten and intensify sex for both of you - make sure to take your time. Don’t rush into sex and focus attention immediately on the genitalia. Take it slowly. Learn to massage. This can easily shade into great foreplay, especially if your partner is tired or stressed. Use plenty of lubrication. Make certain that your partner knows how attractive you find her by paying as much attention to kissing her, complimenting her, and generally spoiling her. Don’t neglect the breasts and other erogenous zones.

Women are slow burners. They take longer to become aroused and get as much pleasure, if not more, out of tenderness, kissing and cuddling. Though quickie sex has its place, for women on the whole, the longer sex takes, the better it feels. If arousal is allowed to build gradually, it floods the whole body rather than being confined to the genital area and a delayed orgasm is infinitely more powerful than an orgasm induced by five minutes of digital manipulation.

3) Take care of yourself. (No - not like that!)

This tip includes many things - including eating well, getting plenty of sleep, and exercise. Not only will these things help your body feel and perform better during sex, but you'll feel better the rest of the time as well. And guys - for heaven's sake remember that a little body hygiene goes a long way. Teeth are as important as the groin and armpits. Don’t forget to brush them after your shower. A little deodorant or cologne (don't overdo it) can stimulate her senses and help get her in the mood. When kissing a girl, or even sitting close to her, she won’t want to smell your bad breath or notice salad between your teeth any more than she’ll want to smell yesterday’s sweat.

4) Take it easy on the booze.

While we all enjoy the occasional cocktail, alcohol is not renowned for it's positive effect on sexual performance or erectile function. While one or two drinks may help reduce the tension and help set the mood, any more than that and you run the risk of a multitude of problems. Be careful with drink. We all know drinking increases a man’s desire but decreases his ability, but not everyone realizes it also affects a woman’s sexual response. More than two or three drinks and some women may be loving but physiologically limited.

While alcohol may make you feel more socially confident, and in small quantities may facilitate more socializing and sexual communication - In large amounts alcohol makes sex difficult to impossible. In moderate amounts alcohol can have an impact on engaging in risky sexual behavior, this can lead to several problems including unwanted pregnancies and transmittal of STD's. As drinking increases both men and women will experience a reduction in sexual arousal, men may have difficulty getting erections, and both men and women may have difficulty experiencing orgasm.

5) Oral sex - it's fun for her too.

While we've yet to meet the guy that doesn't love receiving oral sex, not all men are crazy about giving it. Some guys absolutely love going down on their girl, and some guys - not so much. This can be true for a variety of reasons. Some men aren't crazy about the smell. Others just find it intimidating as they're not sure if they're doing it right and their partner is enjoying it. The best advice is to just relax - take your time, explore, and have fun. Most girls are self-conscious during sex, so it's important for her to know that you're enjoying what you're doing and you're not grossed out.

It's hard to do it wrong when you're performing oral sex on your woman. Move your tongue around, explore, nibble - whatever she reacts positively to must be working. Try humming while you go down on her. There's a reason vibrators are so popular: Anything that shakes, rattles, or rolls primes a passel of nerves for peak sensation. Any time you touch the skin with something vibrating, you transmit sensation to a wider area than you would through simple stroking. So you're activating twice the nerves with half the work. Top it off with a direct touch at the right time and to just the right place -- in this case the clitoris -- and you'll probably send her over the edge.

6) Tell her she's sexy.

Some girls like the dirty talk during sex, and some don't. But we don't know of any woman that doesn't like being told how sexy or beautiful she is during love-making. All women love being complimented and there's probably no better time than during sex. Many women feel self-conscious about their body and no more so than when they're completely naked and vulnerable. Many women are like this even with partners they've had for several years. During sex, if you tell her how sexy her body is, and the parts of her body that drive you wild, it will not only boost her arousal and enjoyment, but yours too.

7) Find her G-spot.

One crucial sex tip for men is to try and educate yourself about the mysterious female G-spot. Some guys are completely baffled about the G-Spot - and some men know it well - and know how the proper stimulation of the G-Spot can drive a woman wild. G-spot stimulation can give a woman a huge orgasm. It is usually located in the front section of the vaginal wall between her vaginal opening and the cervix. Use a finger to stroke the front portion of the vagina and during intercourse the best way to stimulate her G-spot is insertion of the penis from the back. If the G-spot and clitoris are simulated simultaneously the women is likely to have an incredible orgasm that she is unlikely to forget.

Here are some helpful tips on how to find her G-Spot:

It's important that she's very wet before you try and find her G spot location. As such, you need to engage in some heavy foreplay to ensure that she's wet and wanting. When this is achieved, ask her to lie down on her back and prop her buttocks with some pillows so that part of her is a bit elevated for easier access.
Draw her knees up and put her at ease by engaging in oral sex first. When she's good and ready, you can then try to insert your finger into her. Make sure your palm is facing up so that when you curve your finger, it's not facing her vaginal wall.
Find an area that feels like the roof of your mouth. It should be a bit spongy, rough and ridged. Although the exact G spot location is not the same for all women, it should be about 1.5 to 3 inches within her vaginal wall.
Once you find the G spot, you can pretty much treat it like her clitoris and stimulate it as such. For added sexual delirium, you can use your thumb to stimulate her clitoris or even perform oral sex on her while your finger continues its sexual assault on her G spot.

8) Get to know her clitoris - well.

When it comes to digital penetration, most guys seem to revert back to their junior high technique of fingering a girl. This usually involves inserting your middle or index finger, and trying to go as deep as you can with the same repetitive movement. The fact is that women get much more stimulation and pleasure from the clitoris, and most men neglect this part during all aspects. During foreplay when you're both exploring each other, or involved in "heavy petting', is an important time to spend some effort on your woman's most important genitalia part.

What most women want in a good lover is someone who really knows their way around the clitoris. Make no mistake about it, the clitoris is a woman’s gateway to sexual pleasure. Treat her clitoris well and you can count on being invited in and invited back again and again. Stimulate her clitoris with your fingers by gently fondling the area. Remember the sensory nerve fibers have the highest concentration around the clitoris followed by the labia, and the outer third of the vagina.

As with meeting any new friend, your hands are the first things to introduce to her clitoris. Be sure to mix it up by varying not only what part of your hands you use, but also the pressure and speed, and pay close attention to her breathing and body language. Feel free to ask her specific questions (for instance, does she likes it faster or slower?) and be sure to use a gentle lubricant to keep things moving slickly. The most important thing to remember when loving her clitoris is to start slowly and build up the anticipation. No two women are exactly alike, so the key is to pay attention to her body language and to trust your instincts as you create a specialized technique.

9) Know what she likes.

And by "know" we mean find out what she likes before you try it. All women have different likes and dislikes, and pushing the wrong buttons might just be putting yourself on the fast-track to no sex. Two of the big ones are to know how your partner feels about oral and especially anal sex before you make a play in that area.

Some women are turned on by the idea of anal stimulation, while others find it disgusting. Before you know which kind of woman the one you’re in bed with is, do not go anywhere near her rear entry. Unexpected anal penetration is pretty much guaranteed to scare her in bed. Even getting too close to the general area with your fingers, your tongue, or a toy can be enough to freak out some women. Get an idea of her views on the act before you try anything anal.

10) Keep at it.

Women love it when they know you're working hard at trying to please them, and when you care about their enjoyment and pleasure as much as your own. The female body is a complicated, mysterious creation and it can take some time to really get to know it. Keep exploring, touching, and working to understand and get to know her body.

The more you get to know and understand her body, the more pleasure you'll be able to give her. Pay close attention to her body language, breathing, and reaction to what you're doing - it should be pretty easy to figure out what's working and what's not. If in doubt - ask her! There's nothing wrong with asking if she's enjoying a certain maneuver, and it shows that you care and you're trying to please her.

How to Keep a Long-Distance Relationship Hot

2012-01-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

For the estimated seven million U.S. couples currently in long distance relationships, sex and intimacy come with a whole different set of challenges. Instead of a simple “your place or mine?” you’ve got plane tickets, work schedules and much more to contend with. It’s no wonder many couples just can’t handle the distance. But if you’re stuck spending time apart there are ways to still feel close—and even keep your sex lives thriving. Check out these tips from women who kept their long distance relationships healthy and sexually satisfying.
Change It Up.
Couples stuck without the benefit of regular face-to-face contact have to find alternative ways to connect in order to keep their relationship going. For Tina Snyder, 37, starting a relationship with a man living 170 miles away meant long phone calls, frequent e-mails and a mutual commitment to open communication. “I believe our communication held us together during the first year of our relationship,” says Snyder, who recently became engaged. “We would talk for hours every night. We talked about everything: work, children, careers, our future. And we had a lot of phone sex.”

While inexpensive webcams and voice chat programs have made it easier to hear the sound of your loved one’s voice, Dr. Marianne Brandon, Co-Director of The Sexual Wellness Center in Annapolis, Md., warns that it’s not how often you communicate but how well that counts. She also advises couples not to be shy about their desires—sexual or otherwise. As long as everyone’s comfortable, phone sex, cybersex, or leaving sexy answering machine messages are all healthy ways to connect with someone who’s not around.

Get Personal.
According to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, the average couple involved in a long distance relationship lives 125 miles apart, visits each other 1.5 times per month, calls each other three times per week and, perhaps most importantly, exchanges three hand-written letters each month. In fact, studies show that couples who stayed together through their long-distance relationship wrote snail mail letters to each other twice as often as long distance couples whose relationships failed.
When Elizabeth Whitmore, 19, moved to England for a year, leaving her boyfriend in Washington, D.C., she relied on the postal service to sustain her relationship. “It was a good way to communicate because you really had to think about what you were saying,” she says. “We would write three- and four-page letters, sometimes erotic. And when he went on tour around the United States, he sent me 180 post cards. It was fun and personal.” Getting personal is exactly what keeps couples together. While generic gifts such as flowers and chocolate are nice, handmade gifts that come from the heart make a lasting impression.

Maximize Your Time.
Dealing with the distance is only half the battle; learning how to maximize what limited time you do spend together is the other half. Dr. Brandon says that when couples do reconnect, they should establish some guidelines for quality time together. “If he thinks quality time means taking her out with his friends and showing her off at a club and she thinks quality time is going to an intimate restaurant and then going to bed, there’s going to be a problem,” Brandon says.

To solve this problem, 29-year-old Mary-Beth Ellis and her boyfriend have developed an informal ritual. “The first thing we do is we hug each other, then we go to the couch and start talking,” she says. “We reconnect with each other first.”

It’s certainly not impossible to stay together when many miles separate you—it’s all a matter of keeping connected in new ways. If you’re both willing to communicate when you’re apart and reconnect when you reunite, then your relationship and your sex life will survive wonderfully.

Ways To Jump start Your love

2012-01-10T10:34:00.000-08:00

Repetition is great—if you're learning Spanish, grooving your backhand, or making sure the sutures don't rupture. But it's death for your sex life, turning the pursuit of happiness into a holding pattern. Over Newark.

Well, enough of that stuff. It's time to accelerate your pulse with some good, clean, original sex. It doesn't mean risking arrest in a public garden—although it could—but it does mean injecting surprise into the proceedings. Yes, surprise—even if you think you know her body better than the quickest route to the local 7-Eleven.

We have 32 ideas to launch a voyage of sexual discovery unlike anything you've seen...at least since Cindy Lou let down her guard senior year. The difference now: You know what you're doing, and you have a partner who deserves your respect, attention, and devotion. So make the most of it. Now, repeat after us, "I will..."

Start Outside the Bedroom
The same old place is too conducive to the same old patterns, says Stella Resnick, Ph.D., a psychologist in West Hollywood and author of The Pleasure Zone. Explore some new erogenous areas: The kitchen. The bathroom. Quebec City. Your bodies will be in new places, making it unlikely that you'll follow old routines.

Compliment Her
And keep doing it...at least five times a day. It'll make her feel noticed, special, and appreciated, and she'll feel closer to you. "The more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she'll feel," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago.

Compliment what she feels good about and cares about—her hair, shoes, singing voice, work triumphs—says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author ofCome Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.

Go Canoeing or Hiking
Add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which may trigger her sex drive, says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love. Pick the right trip—a guided whitewater excursion, for instance—and learn all about both the risks and the precautions you'll take. She'll see you as the cause of the excitement, as well as the source of security. Book the right B&B for the afternoon dry-off and you're set.

Watch Porn Without the Sound
Sure, you'll miss the snappy plumber-housewife banter. But now you two provide the dialogue. You'll learn how to talk erotically, so it's educational. But it's also fun, you're both invested in it, and it can help reveal fantasies, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Love Around the House. And you'll probably find some way to kill time during the sex scenes.

Best And Hot Ways to Boost Your Brain Power

2011-12-31T04:47:00.000-08:00

Here are Best Tips you can do starting today to help you think quicker, develop storage, understand information better and develop your brain’s complete potential.

Solve questions and brainteasers.
Cultivate ambidexterity. Use your non-dominant hand to clean your teeth, clean your hair or use the computer mouse. Create with your hands and fingers at the same time. Swap hands and fingers for blade and pay.
Embrace indecisiveness. Expert to enjoy elements like paradoxes and to prevent illusions.
Learn thoughts applying.
Block one or more feelings. Eat blindfolded, wear ear plugs, shower with your eyes shut.
Develop relative mouth watering. Expert to properly preference wine, dark candy, alcohol, mozzarella dairy product or anything else.
Find crossing points between apparently not related issues.
Learn to use different key pad styles. Try Colemak or Dvorak for a complete thoughts twist!
Find novel uses for typical items. How many different uses can you discover for a nail? 10? 100?
Reverse your logic.
Learn imagination techniques.
Go beyond the first, ‘right’ reply.
Transpose reality. Ask “What if?” questions.
SCAMPER!
Turn images or the esteem computer background advantage down.
Become a critical thinker. Expert to area typical myths.
Learn sense. Fix sense questions.
Get familiar with the technological method.
Draw. Doodle. You do not need to be an artisan.
Think positive.
Engage in disciplines — develop, colour, be a musician — or any other creative effort.
Learn to handle.
Eat ‘brain foods’.
Be a little bit starving.
Exercise!
Sit up straight.
Drink lots of water.
Deep-breathe.
Laugh!
Vary actions. Get a activity.
Sleep well.
Power nap.
Listen to popular music.
Conquer delay.
Go technology-less.
Look for thoughts sources in the web.
Change apparel. Go without shoes.
Master self-talk.
Simplify!
Play emotionally stimulating games or other actions. Practice via Internet (particularly exciting is to perform an continuous game by e-mail).
Play ‘brain’ actions. Sudoku, crossword questions or a great number of others.
Be childish!
Play game titles.
Be humorous! Create or build a scam.
Create a List of 100.
Have an Concept Allowance.
Capture every idea. Keep a strategy bank.
Incubate thoughts. Let thoughts percolate. Return to them at regular periods.
Engage in ‘theme observation’. Try to area large red as many times as possible in a day. Find vehicles of a particular make. Create a design and focus on it.
Keep a publication.
Learn a terminology.
Eat at different dining establishments – national dining establishments especially.
Learn how to program a pc.
Spell extensive terms in reverse. !gnignellahC
Change your environment. Modify the keeping items or furniture — or go somewhere else.
Write! Create a tale, composition, begin a blog.
Learn sign terminology.
Learn a device.
Visit a art gallery.
Study how the brain works.
Learn to speed-read.
Find out your discovering style.
Dump the calendar!
Try to emotionally calculate the passing of your energy and effort.
“Guesstimate”. Are there more actually leaves in the Amazon marketplace or neuron associations in your brain? (answer).
Make associates with numbers. Combat ‘innumeracy’.
Build a Storage Development.
Learn a peg program for storage.
Have sex! (sorry, no hyperlinks for this one! )
Memorize individuals labels.
Meditate. Increase mindfulness and an clear thoughts.
Watch films from different styles.
Turn off the TV.
Improve your attention.
Get in touch with dynamics.
Do psychological numbers.
Have a half-speed day.
Change the rate of certain actions. Go either super-slow or super-fast purposely.
Do one element each time.
Be aware of mental tendencies.
Put yourself in another person's shoes. How would different individuals think or solve your problems? How would a deceive deal with it?
Adopt an approach of consideration.
Take time for privacy and leisure.
Commit yourself to long-term discovering.
Travel overseas. Expert about different way of life.
Adopt a professional. (Leonardo is excellent company!)
Have a system of helpful associates.
Get very competitive.
Don’t stick with only like-minded individuals. Have individuals around that differ with you.
Brainstorm!
Change your viewpoint. Short/long-term, individual/collective.
Go to the main of the issues.
Collect quotations.
Change the press you’re working on. Use paper instead of the computer; express documenting instead of writing.
Read the video games.
Develop your examining technique. Looking at successfully is a technique. Expert it.
Summarize guides.
Develop self-awareness.
Say your issues out noisy.
Describe one experience in thoughtful details.
Learn Braille. You can begin discovering the floor numbers while going up or down the lift.
Buy a piece of art that affects you. Activate your feelings in thought-provoking ways.
Try different scents and scents.
Mix your feelings. How much does large lilac weigh? How does chamomile tea fragrance sound?
Debate! Protect an disagreement. Try taking lack of, too.
Use time punching.
Allocate time for thoughts development.
Have your own psychological haven.
Be curious!
Challenge yourself.
Develop your creation skills. Use it at least 5 minutes a day.
Take paperwork of your ambitions. Keep a laptop computer by your plan and record your ambitions first element in the early morning or as you awaken from them.
Learn to clear fantasy.
Keep a language of exciting terms. Create your own terms.
Find metaphors. Be connected summary and specific principles.
Manage stress.
Get unique feedback. Create about a unique word in a journal. Study unique sites using StumbleUpon or Wikipedia.
Take different tracks each day. Modify the roads you follow to work, jog or go home.
Install a different operating-system on your pc.
Improve your language.
Deliver more than additionally predicted.

Best Usefull Tips to a Stress-Free Life

2011-12-31T04:40:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, with too much of these loose ends in your head and no way to offload them, it gets overwhelming and stress kicks in — the same cause of my insomnia. I feel like there are a lot of open items that require my attention, but I haven’t really gotten around to them yet.

From experience, practicing David’s Getting Things Done method facilitates clarity of thought, which directs my daily actions to getting things done. The increase in productivity alleviates stress, helps me in focusing on key issues and enables me to live in the moment.

The following are some common sense tips based on Getting Things Done to help you increase your productivity and have a stress-free life:

1. Think About Your “Stuff”

A knowledge worker is paid to think. However, thinking actually takes conscious effort. How often have you opened a piece of mail, read it and left it on the desk, piling up — simply because you didn’t take the effort to think about the specific required follow-up actions?

When I say ‘think’, it’s a literal and conscious effort to define the “stuff” at hand. Do you need to act on it? If yes, do it now or later? If later, how can you be reminded? Do you want to keep it for reference? If yes, where to file it?

You see, that’s quite a bit of thinking required just to handle a simple item. The fact is that many people don’t have the habit of thinking about incoming items right away. As such, they leave stuff lying around and accumulate clutter.

Develop the good habit of consciously thinking about each item or issue that comes into your life. Determine there and then what is the desired outcome and action that is required. Once a decision is made, record the required action as a to-do item or calendar appointment so that you offload it externally.

Offloading allows you to temporarily forget about it until the point in time when you have a chance to act on it. This clears your mind to focus on new upcoming “stuff”.

2. Remove Clutter

To be productive, you must be able to focus on the task at hand without distractions. At the same time, you must have easy access to the required tools and information. The way to achieve this is to create a clean and clear working environment so that only information relevant to the task at hand is present.

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed some information to complete a task but you simply couldn’t find it because it was lost in the stack of clutter lying on your desk? Instead of focusing on the task at hand, your attention and energy are diverted into finding the information you need. Sometimes, because you can’t find the needed information, you put off the task — unnecessarily adding to your to-do list. This is a great waste of time and energy and encourages further buildup of clutter.

I have learned that the best way to reduce clutter is not to let it build up in the first place:

Make it a point to keep your work environment clear of unnecessary things.
Use the act-file-delete principle (see below); clear your e-mail inbox and physical inbox every day.
Maintain a physical and electronic filing system. This applies to things that you don’t immediately need, but have future reference value. The filing system ensures you can easily retrieve information when you need it.

3. Handle Mail by Act-File-Delete

How often have you read an incoming e-mail message and left it in the inbox, thinking that you would come back to it later but never did? Such approach is one common cause of clutter buildup. The best way to clear your inbox is to follow the principle of Act-File-Delete. It’s a conscious decision-making process for each message that you open:

If you can act on it immediately and it will not take you more than a few minutes,do it now. It can be something as simple as looking up some information and typing a few sentences as a reply. Those few minutes will allow you to quickly cross one item off your to-do list. Rather than allowing these minor tasks to accumulate and weigh on your mind, you finish them quickly and never have to bother about them anymore. The sense of clarity and freedom that this simple strategy brings is often understated.
Another common scenario I face is coming across an article or paper that I find interesting, but it is too long to read at the moment of clearing my inbox. As such, I leave it there and forget to come back to it. Over time, these “to-read” materials accumulate and become clutter. If the mail doesn’t require your action but you still want to refer to it in the future, file it immediately so you can easily find it later (see point on filing system).
If the mail is purely for information and no action is required on your part, simply read it and delete it. Some people hate to delete or throw away stuff; they think “what if I need this later?” If you’re not sure, just make sure you file it. Don’t leave it there and accumulate clutter.

4. Develop A "Done It Once" Mentality

A common challenge I face with implementing the act-file-delete principle is that I have a tendency to procrastinate. Having to act or file immediately on each mail is quite daunting sometimes. There’s this nagging thought that says that I can always do it later. Yet, from my own experience, I know that ‘later’ often means ‘never’.

Some productivity gurus advocate the “done it once” mentality. It simply meansprocessing each incoming item only once so that you never have to waste time handling it again. When you procrastinate and don’t act-file-delete immediately, you’ll have to read the mail a second time before you can act on it: waste of time. In addition, more often than not, there’s a chance that you will forget about it, adding additional clutter to your inboxes.

Nowadays, when my tendency to procrastinate kicks in, I summon up the slogan "done it once". At first, I drag myself to act on the task, but once the action gets started, things just continue easily from there. When it comes to fighting procrastination, getting started is usually the toughest part: once you do it, the rest becomes very easy.

5. Use a Filing System

Another key to productivity is to have a systematic way of filing so that you can easily retrieve information when you need it. I remember I once had to fill in some credit application forms that required my income tax details: because I couldn’t find my income tax statements, I procrastinated and the forms were left there in my inbox for months.

Set up a filing system by having folders and storage for different types of information:

Decide upfront the types of information that you want to file and reference back later.
Label the folders clearly so that there’s no ambiguity.
Stock up on filing stationery so that it is easy to file your documents.

6. Focus on One Task at a Time

In this age when multi-tasking is the buzzword at work, many are tricked into believing that we are more effective when we try to do many things at once. From my experience, that’s bunk.

The fact is that the brain works best when it’s focused on one task at a time. To perform a task, the brain has to retrieve relevant knowledge; information to help you act. When you switch between tasks, it introduces “processing overhead”, as it has to adjust to different contexts required by different tasks.

For example, I think that the e-mail alert is one of the worst enemies of personal productivity: it’s that little box that pops up in the corner of your desktop whenever a new incoming e-mail arrives. It’s surely an attention-grabber: I used to stop whatever I was doing and switch to reading the new e-mails. In doing so, my train of thought was broken. After reading the e-mail and acting on it, I needed some time to switch my context back into the previous task.

I have disabled the e-mail alert. Nowadays, I have learned to focus all my attention on the task at hand. Consciously, I refuse to get distracted by other thoughts or external events until the task at hand is completed.

Believe it or not, this single-minded concentration alone has increased my productivity a whole lot.

Closing Remarks

I have experienced first hand the differences that increased productivity can make in leading a balanced and stress-free life.

Getting things done eliminates worries. These simple tips help you act on things that need to be done, file away things that need to be addressed later and removes clutter that only serves to overwhelm you.

These are small daily actions that add up to make a whole lot of difference to your life. From my experience, it takes a while to develop these habits and attitude, but it’s not hard. Try these tips out for 2 to 3 days and feel the difference yourself — it’s a very rewarding feeling that once experienced will provide a very strong impetus for you to try it further and develop into a habit.

I wish you luck in developing these good habits and leading a stress-free life.

Have what it takes to be a happy couple

2011-12-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

Your trophy – your partner

Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact - hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Being together even while going to bed

Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

Learn to trust and forgive – easily

When an argument takes place, try not to grudge the other person. Forgive and move on.

Hug bug

Nothing like a warm hug from your partner. There really doesn't have to be a reason for it as it is welcome any time in the day. But after work, however, couples look forward to greeting each other with a hug. It communicates love and a feeling of all-is-well, which is most important in a happy relationship.

Hold hands while walking

Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. Being with the partner is more important than taking in the sights.

Right or wrong – together forever

Avoid being too critical of your partner. Try not to wait for the 'wrong' to show up, look out for the right instead.

Special somethings

Saying 'I love you' once a day is almost like a prescription for a great relationship. Similarly, saying 'Goodnight' with a kiss tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship.

Be a patient listener

Anyone can talk, but how many of us actually listen to what our partner has to say? Maybe at the end of a day, or when one has had a run-in with the in-laws? By listening intently to your partner, you communicate 'I am there for you' feeling which is like none other in the world.